How do I love thee, let me count the ways;
1. Netflix
2. Instagram
3. You Tube
4. Pinterest
5. Disney Plus
6. Gem TV….
OK, we all know that I am not normally a fan of social media or technology in general but I am here today to confess that;
I am an i-pad junkie.
It started innocently enough. I got one of those portable tablets to access MLS when I was on the road because, I just can’t read anything on my phone anymore due to my geriatric eye-sight. Then one fateful day at a client’s home I was reminded about the Pinterest app while looking for a unique way to stage an awkward corner in their home and from there things quickly spiraled WAY out of control; like a Mack truck hurling down an ice covered mountain loaded full of filigreed iron topiaries when the brakes fail kind of out of control. At first I was just looking for a ‘non ironic’ way to style 80’s hair accessories or how to use up some left-over tahini pesto but then I started making my own boards pinning Snoopy comics, Fimo mini donut tutorials and supremely off-colour jokes (side note: at last count, I have created 17 Inspiration Boards – aiya!) I was out of control going down that Pinterest rabbit hole every chance I got.
Then, and yes I know I am late to the party, one day I was trying to recount a classic episode of Sesame Street (it was for comic relief – no judgement please) and I looked it up on YouTube which started me down that endless algorithm of personalized viewing madness. Earlier this year it was the CBC Gem TV app to watch all the new episodes of Schitt’s Creek every week at the coffee shop, sitting in my car waiting for boxing practice to be over or during a supremely incomprehensible French school concert – any time, any place.
Dear reader, it was bad, I was logging 6 hours a day (according to that annoying-ass app that clocks your screen-time..FYI, MYOB computer!) and then…Covid. My whole family was on their devices and I needed more Netflix accounts to accommodate everyone’s programming needs, we got Disney Plus so we could watch the Mandalorian and the Princess movies. The girls were Tik Tokking so many dance routines and I had to learn them too… I needed ‘How to’ videos for face-masks, we had to order yeast, my office was calling for Zoom meetings twice-weekly, school went on-line…it was computer generated insanity!
Early on in our isolation, my parent friends would ask how I was managing to keep my kids from their phones all day long. What could I say? I was binge-watching with them! I was downloading that sinister, time-sucking eye-ambrosia for us all! We have finished every popular, not-popular, teen-angst, true-crime, space exploration, cooking, stately home decor, British dramedy, animated, drag-styled, wilderness survival, comedy TV series, movie, short documentary, op-ed and/or biopic uploaded to the intra-web in the last 87 days, 14 hours, 8 minutes and 52, 53, 54 seconds….
With summer fast approaching and stage 3 of our ‘return to normal life’ not quite fleshed out to the satisfaction of our intrepid leaders, it will be increasingly hard to walk away from the pulsing glow of pixels without some very enticing distractions, like crowded bar patios or disinfectant redolent shopping Malls.
I remain optimistic that I will go back to my books if we ever have a techno-apocalypse and given the way this year is unfolding, anything is possible. However, until then, I am a slave to the latest Jimmy Fallon at Home Edition.
– help –
Anyway, on a more sober note, here we are in June and the citizens of the world continue to endure what seems like an endless barrage of pain, sorrow, injustice and isolation. I wish you all strength and patience to navigate through the feelings and physical challenges of these difficult events, keep your sense of humour and goodwill toward each other. Look for the silver lining in even the most heart-breaking occasions and find the germ of grace lurking in that chaos. We seem to be stuck in a loop of trials but, if Netflix has taught me anything, it’s this – everything will be OK as long as the wi-fi signal remains strong.
Happy viewing my friends,