Today is a lovely, sunny day and I have just finished this April Wellness Boot Camp that had me drinking tea in a sunny window, listing my blessings daily, eating whole foods and reaching out to hug my kids more often.
Sounds so Zen right? Ahh but, this too shall pass. Just a few days into the month of May and I have had two clients forsake me, an unexpected housing crisis dropped in my lap and a multitude of immediate-action-required automotive and dental expenses… Boom.
Dear reader, I have been on a mental health journey for several years now and I have been exercising regularly (knee problems notwithstanding), ingesting every possible anti-stress vitamin and/or supplement on the planet and meditating and deep breathing the crap out of my life challenges and I am here to ask, exactly when can I expect to achieve enlightenment? Having said that though, I am handling all this news in a strangely calm manner… I guarantee it’s resignation and not a higher plane of consciousness!
Now don’t get me wrong, this is no ‘woe is me’ post because I have been delighted to notice that since I am currently responding to my life with ‘what-the-f##k-now?’ level of irritation, I must be entering my warrior phase. I have long believed with unquestionable certainty that there exists a supreme degree of emotional mastery. At this zenith of mindful serenity I will be able to ignore bad drivers, stop apologizing for the selfish actions of others and ask to speak with the manager without becoming a meme.
I will be able to listen, without feeling or judgement, to my kids when they explain how they didn’t see the concrete median behind them when they were backing up, hand over fistfuls of cash unblinking to the mechanic when he apologizes for the 2nd faulty hose installed in a month and move on effortlessly from people who don’t bring me joy. I will be still, I will embody the ‘knowing’, I will radiate the heat and life force of a thousand suns, my children will weep with happiness when we share time together and there will be peace.
Instead, I am at the stage where I turn into Rambo screaming at Karma, ‘Is that all you got?!’ (insert machine gun audio)
Perhaps there are several learning paths on this voyage to illumination. Maybe all the quiet contemplation is working but I haven’t completed all my training. I can’t expect to gain some blissful, all-seeing understanding that will allow bad news to roll off my back like so many droplets of Spring water until I go through this deafening moment of barely held together sanity… you know, for contrast.
Which means I guess, that I still have a ways to go. So, until I reach that elusive nirvana, I’ll take ‘things that don’t cause any stress and anxiety’ for the win please.
Happy Mother’s Day to all my favorite Warriors out there. Stay fierce!