*** News Flash – I’m having a Hot Flash ***
Super fun…
And this is the latest in a long line of recent developments in my life. I understand I am going through ‘the change’ so some new and stupefying things are plaguing my already less than desirable aging process. I refer of course to the extreme highs and lows of my internal temperature settings. You know when you have an LED light bulb that is starting to go (side note: I thought these things were supposed to last 25 years ?!) and you can watch it warm up and get brighter and more intense. That’s what I feel like – inside my body.
At first, I just thought I wasn’t dressed appropriately for the weird summer we had. I don’t mean to complain, but it wasn’t a 5-star rating from my perspective. I think I only wore shorts a handful of times over the past two months due to it being over-cast, or raining or hailing golf ball sized ice chunks. But I digress.
So here am I feeling uncomfortable in my work clothes thinking I should try a summer frock tomorrow but then the heat waves started to happen at completely random times; when I hadn’t ran a marathon, or exerted any major effort, or minor effort, or moved, or blinked and it slowly dawned on me that maybe this is what’s called a ‘hot flash’. These weird pulses of volcanic heat that make my hair sizzle and then just as quickly disappear, leaving my cheeks red and my mouth dry and me in a general, sticky, uncomfortable mess desperate for a cold glass of water, or a fan, or an ice pack or a glacier to roll around on.
Be that as it may, apparently I am quite fortunate because I have heard from some of my friends complaining about ‘perspiring buckets’ and/or waking up in drenched sheets or wearing shorts and tank tops in sub-zero temperatures…for years! (as one of my friends suffered) My experience so far, has just been throbbing, prickly heat several random times a day. So my next question is, how long will this fresh hell last?
And, this is probably the real reason women don’t rule the world. We are too busy eating ice or fanning ourselves or finding ways to keep from spontaneously combusting. What if menopausal women are the reason for global warming? Wouldn’t that just be a kick in the teeth? But then, if someone could find a cure for these hormonal misfires, it would kill two birds with one stone…so, there’s that.
Be a good Samaritan, buy a lady a drink…with lots of ice.
It might save the planet.