It’s that time of year again when the kids (and everyone else) are bombarded with media letting them know they should probably acknowledge that special someone in their lives who may be the only living person on the planet whose love cannot be shaken by what they come across under the bed in their rooms or in the laundry basket. And while we may be presented with World’s Best Mom and/or Greatest Mom or Mom of the Year awards, mugs, t-shirts or mouse pads, the accolade is a bit hard to live up to and let’s be honest – Best? There are many days where ‘adequate’ doesn’t even cover it.
So, I just wanted to take a moment to outline a personal list of attainable goals and a vow to uphold at minimum, wherever possible; Middling-est Mom of the Year.
1. I will be sure to have food in the fridge/cupboard that doesn’t require washing, chopping, saute-ing, baking, pan-frying, side salad making, cleaning up-ing if for some reason I am unable to prepare said food myself and you are left to your own sadly lacking cooking devices to nourish yourself and possibly siblings if I am at work or otherwise engaged elsewhere. ‘Unwrap, nuke, eat ‘ will be the desired criteria test applied to all considered comestibles for these occasions. With ‘wipe-on-shirt, eat’, deemed to be a reasonable alternative.
2. I will listen with interest; (as long as you aren’t into the second hour of some tedious explanation of all the recent modifications and add-ons you have acquired at the 87th level of Zombie Mine War Apocalypse 3000.)
3. I will keep track, to the best of my ability, of the family calendar and alert the appropriate party, provide accompanying gift/thank-you note/accessories and (where needed) a ride to upcoming events including but not limited to; library day, gym day, rugby, soccer, tumbling, cheer, piano, field hockey, band, track, judo, science/ swim/ homework club, practises, games and or opening/closing day BBQ/award/graduation ceremonies, field trips, pizza/sushi/hot lunch days, class-project due dates, work shifts, teacher/coach/instructor appreciation events, play-dates, anniversaries, birthday parties, sleep-overs, camping trips, jamborees, pot-lucks, cook-outs and volunteer shifts for various fund-raising activities. (wait a minute, I may have to re-think this one…)
4. on the subject of fund-raising; I will participate to the extent of a monetary donation in a denomination commensurate to merchandise in question ie: 5 bars of chocolate, 4 boxes of cookies, one Christmas tree, 4 rolls of wrapping paper, one book of raffle tickets, 4 frozen pizzas etc. I will not drive around collecting endless torn garbage bags full of dripping, sticky, bottles or recycling of any kind or stand around peddling aforementioned items. This last addendum does not preclude me from driving volunteer peddler of fund-raising product to agreed event location as per vow #3.
5. I will always pick you up without prejudice and/or lecture from the following activities; your first unsuccessful sleep-over, school dances, any occasion where you have had a wardrobe malfunction, any situation where you find yourself out-numbered and the natives are hostile and any situation involving alcohol.
6. Some may frown upon this next vow but I will do your laundry with the following caveat, I draw the line at ‘never-washed’ gym shorts from last season’s track unit, wet, mildew encrusted socks, wadded-up rain-gear from the last monsoon and never, ever hockey gear!
7. I will attend with vociferous enthusiasm and a restrained regard for your public image the following activities; plays, sports events, games, recitals, concerts, graduations, ceremonies of importance and your wedding. However if calling out your name, waving hello, spinning a mini victory dance and starting a ‘wave’ is not your idea of an acceptable mode of ‘quiet’ support then we may need to set some ground rules.
8. Further to vow #7 I will never consciously embarrass you in public. Let’s face it though, it will happen so please be prepared for snickers, giggles, finger pointing and cringe-worthy instagram memories but remember your grace under pressure and forgiving nature could possibly be attractive to a special someone whom you may want to impress so keep in mind that while I may have inadvertently brought all eyes upon you, some may possibly be in a good way. See, I am your Mother, I am always working it for your benefit even though it isn’t always apparent.
9. I will make mistakes, say the wrong thing, argue, discipline, forget, be pre-occupied, not listen properly, misunderstand, mislay, jump to conclusions, cry, defend, brag, burst with pride, feel joy, laugh out loud, dance with abandon and love, love, love you despite everything and especially your feeble attempts to dis-associate yourself from that weird lady who only wears clothes from Value Village. (I totally rock my look though)
10. I will eat your burnt toast, runny egg, raw bacon, bland coffee in bed Mother’s Day brunch with relish and a smile if you promise to clean up after yourself in the kitchen and…wait a minute, who am I kidding, don’t make me breakfast, stay out of my kitchen, I will do it myself and you can all take me to the movies!
LOVE FROM MOM!
Here’s to all the Moms out there, where would we be without you!
Have a wonderful day.